im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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