I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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