I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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