the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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