It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize