im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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