Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will be naked everywhere
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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