OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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