Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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