wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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