I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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