Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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