but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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