I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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