I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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