Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I would fuck him just for his dog
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize