Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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