you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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