I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize