She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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