drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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