We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Alive.
So much puke
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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