Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize