I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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