fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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