when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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