he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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