So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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