he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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