I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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