My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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