Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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