Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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