I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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