I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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