my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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