You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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