Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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