Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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