he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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