Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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