she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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