can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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