with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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