i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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