and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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