you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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