his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize