i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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