But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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